Friday, July 19, 2013

Intensity


When the world wants to just know what you want to master,
When the world wants to just feel something you want to emote,
When the world wants to see something when you want to deeply observe,
When the world wants to just support something you want to fight for,
When the world feels strong about something you want to die for,
When the world wants to just express something you want to make a masterpiece out of,


When the world wants to look at the boiling water while you want to feel it in your heart,
When the world wants to stay calm while you want to think and feel nothing,
When the world wants to look at a lake and feel nice while you want to look
Incessently at the ripples and think of a pattern without thinking nothing,
When the world wants something that you want to own and later let go


When the world wants to empower women when you want them to be better than you,
When the world wants to manage something when you are prepared to lose.
When the world wants a God when you want to tap the God in you,
When the world wants to trust something you want to decide upon,
When the world wants to listen to something you want to imbibe into yourself,


When the world wants to aspire something that you want to achieve,
When the world wants to sympathise something that you to  act upon,
When the world wants to do good in something in which you want to do everything possible,
When the world wants to feel sad when you want to cry your heart out,
When the world wants to feel nice when you want to enjoy to the fullest

When the world wants to dream while you want to live it all along,
When the world wants to live with what is, while you want rework on everything,
When the world wants to survive while you want to evolve,
When the world wants to think while you want to dive deep to the maximum,
When the world wants to look at you while you want to look into the depth of the eye,

Intense, the world calls you,
World might not take you,
But you shall live yourself,
Intensity is unusual, hence special,
Keep that intensity within,
The more intense, the more the search,
The most intense and the deepest of all,
God within.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Struggle


Fast you want to move, but move you cannot,
Grab you want to , reach you cannot,
To be loved you want to, but care you receive not,
Pressurized from all points, vent out none,
Struggle, thus you do, struggle.

The day you dashed onto the world,
Awaken from the calm safe sleep,
And cut off from the umblical,
And bringing forth the first breath,
Struggle - It is always.

Struggle you do, from getting a candy,
To getting your job, to survive,
To recognise to be be recognised,
To  earn, to eat, to live,
To have all, yet do nothing.
Struggle - It always is.

You will try to shout your heart out,
Of the pain you only can sense,
Yet no one to listen, no one to see,
You will thus shout within,
Till your lungs burst out,
Yet it shall remain,
Struggle , it always is.

Head in the water, stuck,
Unable to lift,
Unable to breathe,
The last few seconds,
Struggle - the best example it is.

Struggle you always do,
From start till end,
One way or the other,
Intense or not,
Struggle, you always do.

Every joy comes with a sorrow,
Every success comes with a challenge,
Every rose comes with a thorn,
Every relationship comes with a pain.

Yet the sorrow cannot take away the joy,
The challenge cannot take away the success,
The thorn cannot take away the rose,
The pain cannot take away the relationship.

The intensity cannot undermine my ability,
The last few seconds of my breath
Cannot determine by ability to live,
The shout within cannot stop me
From being heard.

I might not move fast, yet i shall not stop,
I might not grab, yet i shall try,
I might not receive care, yet i shall love,
I might not vent out, yet I shall exist,
Struggle I shall to live the odds,
Struggle I shall against struggle itself.

Struggle I shall always do,
To fight within, to struggle,
To break my ego,
To struggle to know the boundaries,
Within my own self,
Struggle I shall beyond the known,
Into the unknown dimensions
Of my soul.

Struggle I shall against myself,
To bring out the God within,
I am the artist of my fate,
I am the reason for my life,
That is all that is.
God Bless.



Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Experience


Ignorance - Its not just a word but the whole world of truth. I entered this world, some 26 years ago, a moment  and feeling I can never recollect, but can only presume. And that feeling clearly could have been ," What is this place?" Yes, no one has any clue how it was when we entered the world. But for some reason over the few years we are to live here in this earth, we are diligently trying to convince ourselves of what this world and life are, or rather for the sake of political correctness, we are diligently pursuing the truth.

I am sure all of us face this moment of truth, where at times you look at the whole world around you, and think for a minute, "what is this place? Why am I even here? Do i even know this people? Oh wait a minute, what is this body of mine? What is this weird shape that we call "fingers"? How come people call it beautiful, if at all it is?" To me, that is the real moment of truth, the feeling of "Nothing".  And to me, these feelings are more frequent especially due to my nature to get more pensive on such feelings, totally "Unmindful" of the happenings around and obviously to the annoy of my friends.

In this world thus of "Cluelessness" and "Uncertainty", no one really knows how and why, especially when one looks back at the past. Time - the biggest deceiver of all, only draws us closer to it all the time and then slaps us with a hard reality that you can do nothing about it.  It does take so much of pain to explain something that took place for seconds, doesn't it? Yes, it does, thus time has no relevance in life, really. The only time when time really has a say in life is when you call it an end.

Yet the moment of truth blossoms on our faces stronger when we look into the past, of how unassuming events and people have resulted in the most assuming and impactful realities. Things just came and went, at times in the most bizarre way. Today, while the body is existing at a particular point of time, the mind is revolving into a past which exists no more. While life can be tempting to do intellectual jugglery, it is a given fact that most things in life are best left as they are.

The only possible treasure that we gain and hold till we leave this place are memories and things we learn. Some memories we wish to relive all the time, some memories we never wish to think about.


Why all these ever happened, no one can ever really decipher, but they happened. At different points of time in life, we have significant encounters and all of a sudden when we want those ppl to stay with us forever, we lose them. No matter what you sulk, the truth is that no one can ever come with us forever. Yet, there is obviously a reason unknown of why that person was required at that time. The only thing remains with us is the experience, and some where or the other it would connect to something critical in life.

Treasure experiences in life, they are the closest source of self realization that everyone searches elsewhere.




Saturday, January 12, 2013

150 years and still counting!

My earliest memories of encountering this person was when I was in school, probably in class V when i had to appear for a speech competition about this person. Well yes, I memorized the speech that my sister prepared for me and spoke with no real attachments to the words I spoke. I never knew this man, was never interested either. But thinking about it today, maybe I got introduced to him earlier so probably when I wanted to know something about Indian philosophy, in a modern way, the first name to strike was his.

It was not until I was 18 that I really got to know this person. I was studying in college and for some reason, lets say for winning over debates with friends, I wanted to know more of Hindu philosophy. And, as i said earlier, the first name that struck me was this person's. I read some of his speeches. I must admit that I used them to only gather points for my debates. But the interesting thing about those debates were that every debate would end with one question which would be a total stale mate, "Why are you talking so much of something you dont even follow?" That would prick my ego a lot. It was then that i read his speeches and writings with a lot more intent to see why it cant be followed. But something changed me. I began internalizing the thoughts. There are great thinkers, but this person's ideas were easiest for me to grasp and were pretty modern that I could relate to.

The interesting part was somewhere I felt I realised many things (shortcomings) about me that I probably did not know or did not pay attention. Fear of humiliation was the classic of them. It was his stories of how he was so unassuming but his strength in character actually made people see his inner self over his physical appearance that drove me to be someone that was more with me over with what people looked at me as. That was when I started with my Kudumi (shikhar). Whether religious or not, whether any science or not, to me its more about a sense of defiance to status quo, on being what you believe over being what others want you to be when they look at you. Yes, it has created a lot of teasing in my life but somewhere over time, I have managed to let people look at me, as in me (good or bad), over what i look like. To me it is a symbol for confidence to myself and also an assertion that I will be my belief, because its me.

Over time, beyond just Hindu religious idealogy, the journey moved more towards philosophy, society, attitude and personality. His words inspired me to look more into myself. For instance, there are several things we take for granted about aspects in our lives such as parents, fellow human beings, women etc. But it was not until I got this inspiration that i drilled consciously into every aspect of my life. For instance, lets take the case of women. He believed that the best way to empower women is to provide education and stop there. It is for the women to decide based on their rational thought what is good or not for them. They have to devise rules for them, not men! But the problem is that when people talk of this, somewhere people tend to focus on national policies!! But when we look at attitude, there are still some aspects that we need to look into. For instance, many a times in a marriage, it is the guy who decides where they have to settle (based on his job). The girl has to move into the guy's house. The girl has to cook. Some modern men wish to "help" but not to actually cook. The guy has to earn more than the girl. This is a bit dicey because I find many girls who also want it that way - meaning that their guy should be better than them!

Lets take the example of a poor man. Now, there are many of us youngsters who want to be leaders. Now, leadership has become more of a cliche. A role model is always looked as a person who is popular or has achieved something we know of. And when we say we need to dream big, doesnt mean that we dream ourselves to be Big people. I dont have to dream about being a successful CEO. An automan is as valuable a human as is CEO. He has a story to tell as well, an inspiring one too. But somewhere we have developed a mind block to assume that those who have not achieved certain things are not meant to be looked at for inspiration. The irony is that this entire theory of dream and achievement and making it big is built on the theory that making it big makes us big as well. Not true. It does not matter what position you move in life, but what matters is how you have lived. It does not matter whether you are a CEO or an automan. What matters is how you have lived in joy and sorrow, how you have managed ur ego, how you have respected others, how you have led ur life with a purpose. Now these are the aspects that you need to dream Big about because these are the universal truths irrespective of what you are. Because human nature is human nature irrespective of what form it takes. So if you want to be a leader, you have to be a human first, in the sense you need to appreciate these fundamental truths, that will automatically take you to being able to relate to anyone. Leadership is therefore not a set of awards you would probably gather, nor even a set of people you come in contact with. Leadership is your own attitude. To lead yourself is all that is needed!

I did a lot of weird things and experiments in this process of self discovery. But there were some things that this person said that made sense to me only over time. For instance, one fundamental concept that he referred to in all his speeches was this concept of "detached attachment". It looked extremely good in college to me because it was more theortical for me. It was easy to detach oneself of something that you have not attached yourself to. But the real pain in attaching is when you lose the stuff you attach yourself to. For instance in my case, failing an exam affected me so much, because in my mind failure was disgrace and i had never failed in my life before. But when i failed, it affected so much and it took me a lot of time to gather myself. I realised that therefore detached attachment and renunciation is not simple. Atleast then i realised what i was attached to and hence today i have improved! The same comes with relationships as well. If you are not willing to let go of something, they you are not worthy of gaining it as well, because you have acquired it from here temporarily and you are to anyway let go of it when you die, thats nature! Over time, I have lost most things that I thought i valued a lot, but somewhere I have realised this truth that his person had been saying all along. The more one renunciates gain and loss, the more he is happy and in tune with life itself. As he said, the best teacher is always experience. And the more one experiences and more varied experiences makes him more learned.

To know him and to know his ideas and to self think based on his idea of self thinking itself has been a wonderful journey. Yes, its Vivekananda. A free thinker, a person who believed in the cleansing of character before the cleansing of a society, a man who supported the right of a women way ahead of his times, a great philosopher and one who believed in the ideals that one experiences for himself.

Idealism may not provide solutions to the society, but it really works well for the individual.

He has been the most influential person in my life and today being his 150th birthday makes me proud. Because after so many years too, his ideas are fresh and inspiring. Atleast it has inspired this unmindfulscholar.




Friday, November 16, 2012

Swim On!





A long run - Running and panting,
So much of past I have had to traverse,
I have now come to the end of the run.


Standing at the end of the beach,
I wonder - "Where am I to go?"
Into that seemingly unending waters
Of the sea? or fly to the clear blue sky above?
The future, it appears.

I could turn back and leave,
So back into the past,
Sink into those known moments,
And get lost into the clearly known.

Or I could stop here at the end
Of the beach, stay here
And go nowhere,
Not happy with where I came from,
And unhappy that I can go no further.

Yet I choose, my friend,
To swim into the sea,
With nothing known,
But just hope with me,
To search the journey,
Swimming the tides,
To find myself,
A future awaiting me.
Move on, boss,
Move on!

Innocence in Love



Love - a feeling known,
Yet not clearly defined,
A feeling deep into the heart sown,
An emotion that easily cannot be left behind.

Though cannot be qualified,
And nowhere simplified,
Yet so many things to love,
So many things intertwined,
No one knows how!

Is love only defined as the one,
With a partner or lets say, the others
Are any way different?
Or what is it that changes?

Is the love the same,
As the one between a master
And his dog? A lady
And her cat? A grandmom
And her grandson? Or the extreme
Joy one gets on watching
A musical fountain? Or the sweet
Gift I got? Or the beautiful
Birds chirping in the morning,
With morning dew on those
Green leaves?
How is the love different, my friend?

Remove those self interests,
Those anxieties out,
Those wants and rationalities out,
Remove all that is measurable out,
What remains my friend,
Is a thing irrational,
Unreasonable and illogical
Innocent emotion,
The same emotion I felt
When I saw my first toy
As a toddler!

Innocence of love,
With nothing attached,
Similarity in everything that is diverse,
The consistent love,
No strings attached,
Same it is, same it is.

Simplicity is all about
Cutting the obvious
And adding the meaningful,
Love my friend,
Just love, Innocently

Monday, November 12, 2012

Another new phase

Life is never a straight line is it? Besides just being ups and downs, it demands many more things. Always, things really close to me, things I build my life on, vanish from me all of a sudden. I lose the dearest easily, be it a relationship or best friend or a treasured gift or anything for that matter. The last three years of my life from 2009 to present have been a roller coaster ride, with so many ups and downs, happy and disappointing moments, yet I have moved on, yet I am here.

Like I said, I have lost the things most dear to me over and over again. Life at times appear most bizarre giving no clue where it is heading to, what I am, why I experience certain things. But i have come to realise that maybe it a way of teaching me something very critical. The things I placed my life on are not things to be placed on in the first place. They can be part of life, but they cannot be life itself, and no wonder they cannot last long.

At a point of time, I have been shunned because I was an idealist, an impractical dreamer, a freak. I placed my life on ideals that I did not acquire from within but from external sources, for instance, my best friend. When the source lost its credibility, my ideals found no meaning, because I had not kept them devoid of the source. I lost myself. I lost some people whom I placed my life on then. But I got into writing to express myself and became a writer.

For the next phase, I placed my life on some more people (friends and otherwise) and not ideals this time. The back log of my bad times kept haunting me from time to time, now more than the idealist, i became an intensely emotional character. But never did I realise that people are bound to change, people have individual lives to live which are different from ours, sometimes could even be conflicting. Hence I lost those people. Now, no ideals, no people.

When I look at myself now, I have realised another thing. There are ideals that I have developed over time from my experience, from within. They are the ideals that I need to hold onto. There are some people who have come along for so long in my life, the irony is that people who have come along were never my life and those I believed to be my life are no more.

And there are parents, who have been the consistent over anything in this world. They are the only ones that have come along the way.

Recently, I just put aside the intensity of my self and the idealism of my self and brought out my fun loving and humourous nature. Though not deliberate, I think it was natural since the other aspects of mine required a change or a halt.

I have made newer friends, more interesting people in my life, found my best friends, a brother and what not.

Somehow, I tend to understand that life is most beautiful when you experience whatever it gives you. Yes, there are mistakes we make and those could cost a lot. But I guess over time, life by itself teaches you.
Letting go is the first step to change and all of us keep changing. In what direction? That is the question to answer. And that answer is given by your instincts. They could be wrong but yet follow them.

My life has yet changed, now more mature, with ideals developed from within, people who matter given importance to, happiness more important over intensity and love over anger. And a constant search to find myself, what all new things I can do. To live and let live, and keep everyone around happy and smiling.

A new self born again.

Srinath Varadarajan - Another New Phase, Lets see where this leads to.

Signing off,
The Unmindfulscholar.